He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
