no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
