The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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