I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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