It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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