these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
