too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
