Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
