Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
