Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize