And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
