if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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