The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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