The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize