I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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