A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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