i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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