You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do herpes really smell.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
