There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
