They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
