In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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