stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
