I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
