I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What a dumb baby whore.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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