You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
