nut hugger
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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