So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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