ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
