She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish I only lived at night.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
