"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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