Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
