If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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