she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
