If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
