I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hippo gnu deer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
