living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize