Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Your dad touched me again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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