i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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