At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
from now on my penis is your penis
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
