i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
