Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
