life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
