Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
