I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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