Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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