No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
