Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
