hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize