she smelled like a LAN party
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
