bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
