I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
