her facebook's as public as her vagina
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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