come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
