At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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