I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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