I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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