I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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