you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
