I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We are two peas in an std pod
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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