I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
