I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
