he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize