he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
do herpes really smell.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
