i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
