its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
