I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
