I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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