I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
