is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
