an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize