FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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