It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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