Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
